Letter #22

“What did you learn from being married?”

These past 11 months have been a whirlwind of questions. However, nobody ever asked me this, until now. I didn’t know how to respond. Not having an immediate response almost made me feel insecure. I gave myself time to really sit with this question.

I learned so much…about myself…about life…how to see the world differently.

I learned that love is built on three pillars.

Respect.
Trust.
Communication.

Without one of the three, love cannot grow.

Respect in a relationship allows for each person to feel secure and free to express themselves. This level authenticity helps us value our partners for who they are and who they will grow to be in the future. When both people in a committed relationship feel respected their trust grows to a deeper level. Respect is also accepting your partner for who they are while at the same time inspiring them to evolve. If respect is present it will be proceeded by trust.

Trust. This is something sacred in a relationship because it requires us to become vulnerable. It is something that is earned and not just given. Trust is built after repetitive actions that demonstrate follow through. Trust is essential. It is also the most challenging aspect of a relationship. It is a thin tightrope to each other’s heart where both partners must walk to meet one another.

Which brings me to communication. Not talking and connecting, but communicating. Communicating in the good times, but most importantly during the tough times. Communication in a marriage transcends everything. You must trust that your partner’s communication is genuine and respectful, always.

It is within these three abstract actions that love grows.

However, I was taught that love comes first then everything else follows. I sit here with this thought and chuckle, yet feel disappointed on the inside.

I do wonder…what did he learn from our marriage? I am only left with wonderings…not that it would make a difference because trust was broken, respect was lost and well, communication required us to be open to listen.

I know better now…I continue to reflect so I can learn and grow.  


“Without communication, there is no relationship; without respect there is no love; without trust, there is no reason to continue.”
-Unknown

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