Letter #20

“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important
God-given responsibility – that of making choices.”
― Brenda Waggoner

I would’ve done so much more…
I would’ve explored more with him…

But I got tired.

I got tired of fixing what was broken.
Somebody asked if I still love him. Yes. I will always love him. It was love. That doesn’t leave just because we are no longer one. I won’t love anybody like I loved him. I am coming to terms with that reality. I knew this was going to be hard. I still go back to the soft moments when I would crawl into bed and we exchanged our love with just one look. There are mornings I wish I could go back in time and hold him tighter.

I didn’t expect or want perfection. We are human and we have weaknesses. Especially me. I won’t know if we had continued this journey together if I could’ve let go of the resentment I was slowly building with every day that passed.

Resentment. What a damaging and painful feeling. I am thankful I let go of that emotion when I made my decision to get a divorce. So when my therapist asked me if I regretted my decision I could full heartedly say no. Even though it exists, nobody deserves to a relationship that lives in resentment.

Letting go of that emotion allows me to preserve the love we once shared. It allows me to put our love in a bottle and toss it in the ocean.

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