Letter #17

“…the sad part is, that I will probably end up loving you without you for much longer than I loved you when I knew you. Some people might find that strange.
― Ranata Suzuki

Every step after him is hard. I remind myself that I can do hard things…alone. The tears that flowed after hosting friends left me with wondering why we didn’t make more time for hosting. It is one of my favorite things to do in life. I enjoy making people feel welcomed and most importantly, loved.

Dedicating your time with others is the ultimate gift. When I give you my time, I am giving you something I will never be able to replace. My time is special…and wrapping that time with love and memories is a beautiful gift in life.

That’s all I wanted from him…his time. Even if it was a little bit…

Time to be with me, to love me, to create precious ordinary moments. Maybe that is why it killed me little by little when he preferred to watch tv instead of spending quality time with me. Our time was precious. He knew that…Maybe I didn’t demand it enough…

Maybe I gave up on asking for something that should come from the heart and not demanded. And here, is where the loneliness in my marriage set in.

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