Letter #18

“No matter how much suffering you went through,
you never wanted to let go of those memories.”
― haruki murakami

Eleven months have passed. Eleven months since my heart shattered into so many pieces.

I have picked up each one carefully by myself. Not alone, but by myself. There are so many pieces still left to pick up, some too small.

We promised to care for one another, forever. I know that nothing is forever in this life.

That is a reality that is so hard to accept. I don’t know how he has managed but I would be lying if I said that lately he has been on my mind more than usual. Maybe because our wedding anniversary is here and it will not be celebrated. This date carries so much weight in my heart. A weight that I don’t know where to put it down so I can feel lighter.
Light enough to just move on.

I wanted to give him a beautiful life. A life full of joy, peace, and love. Nothing elaborate, just simple yet beautiful.

I think that’s where I made the mistake. There were a lot of “I” instead of “us”…

I know better now. Now that it’s over. Nine years and eleven months later.

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