Letter #6

“We run to undo the damage we’ve done to body and spirit. We run to find some part of ourselves yet undiscovered.”
– John Bingham

I will run.
I will run for me.
I will run because right now, it is the only thing I can control in my life.

As I lace up my shoes, I can’t help but go deep within my mind where all my questions, fears, and insecurities linger. I am trying to process ALL of the heaviness of my emotions. My eyes begin to water and I take a deep breath. I press play…I wipe my tears and start my first real run.

I promised myself that this time I wouldn’t stop no matter the pace.

I turn the corner and suddenly I trip over a rise on the sidewalk. I fell to my hands and knees, but I bounced back up. I swear I am on my neighbor’s doorbell camera as a giant shadow that rises from the ground. (insert laughing emoji) I quietly laugh at my clumsiness.

At that very moment I had a choice to either let that stop me from continuing my run or suck it up and keep going.

So, I sucked it up and kept going. I will not give up on myself. I love myself. This run and every run after was going to be proof of that self-love. He may not have loved me as I deserved, but I can love me without him. He broke me, but with every run I promise to pick up every piece and put me back together.

In the middle of this heartache, I discovered running…I am discovering me.  I am slowly learning that life is not about striving to be perfect. Maybe it’s about loving the imperfect person that I see in the mirror.